I know, I know, I’m inconsistent. And late in posting. But I wanted something suitable and comfortable…and I couldn’t think of anything to post until last night.
Anyway, since it’s way past my bedtime, I will make this short and sweet. Lately I’ve realized how distracted and disorganized I’ve become. I’m usually not like this, but it’s now affecting my desk (you wouldn’t think that’s a really big thing, but a cluttered desk makes difficult work all the more frustrating), my scholastic motivation, and my relationship with God.
I’m naturally organized, really. But I realized how messy my life’s been today that I nearly cried 😯 I’ve reached points like that before, but usually when I didn’t ace my tests and so on. What? I’m a perfectionist. One that still isn’t able to conform to the fact that nothing will ever be perfect, no matter how hard I work on it (referring to my grades here). Perfection is only in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has a different view on what perfection is. And the way I see it, no one else really does.
I guess mine is based primarily on fear. Fear that I won’t get to college, live a life that has been buried due to the fact I’m being homeschooled (it’s not bad, really), and fear that I will never fulfill my purpose here on earth. I don’t even know what it is. But there are so many things I want to do; so many dreams to come true.
And what’s worse is that I can’t think for the life of me what I want to be. Everyday I find something interesting, the next I realize the amount of crazy work, and then I realize I really have no passion for it. I want to do something that won’t make me feel like dreading work. I see many people do it, and it discourages me a lot. I don’t want that.
And as for being a perfectionist, it’s hard to sometimes accept the limit of my efforts. It’s creating a burden that I want to carry all on my own, and it’s weakening me. I need to just lay it down, and let God take care of it. All of it.
I’ll trust Him.
In the wobbles,
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these photos. All belong to their respective owners.