flashback; flashnow.

It’s…been ages.

To apologize or not to apologize?

Thousands–I mean thousands–of things have been happening to me, about me, and with me. I feel so unproductive. It’s nearing the end of the year, and my heart just breaks at the thought of my New Year’s Bucket List, and I know for sure that I’ve barely accomplished anything. I want to cry, crawl into a hole, and just cease to exist for like, two minutes so that I can take a break.

Then again, we all know how crazy that would be. Where’d we go if we didn’t exist for those two minutes?

Gasp.

Plot bunny. How unfortunate.

Anyway, I think that’ll make a great short story to get my writer’s self going. Not only has school been unproductive, writing has as well. I’ve barely got the first chapter, but I’m writing one today. I’ve decided to just suck it up and get going. Or else, I’d never get anything done.

Same with Physics, and Math and English and Bible Survey and…oh, life hurts sometimes.

But I can do this, right? I’ve been positive since the beginning of the year that everything’s gonna be all right, God’s way or my way, doesn’t matter.

And it’s weird.

I mean, awful things are happening around the world. Ebola, ISIS, kidnappings and beheadings–it’s traumatizing. Yet, even with me, the sadness, the tears and so on–I just have this ‘peace’ in me that this year will end well. Things will be better.

And I’m getting there. I will get there.

I’ve had amazing times this year: very first mission trip, completion of two years with braces (even though I still have them…my teeth ain’t that perfect yet *groan*), losing weight and gaining it back (hahahahha), and bonding with people I never thought I would bond with (they’re still annoying though).

It was fun. And that’s what’s pushing me.

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Next year will be extremely busy though: SAT, college preparation, etc. And I’m just sixteen. So scared. Really…scared…

But the Lord is my strength. And I will lean on Him.

God bless ❤

Happy living,

Jojo

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i’ve got a surprise for you.

No, not me. Well, I might have some good news, but hey, read first 😀

*ahem*

About a month ago, my dad traveled for a business training, and since we (my sister and I) were so helpful during the Christmas period (hectic…), he decided he’d reward us with a Pebble and a Kindle, along with the new phone he promised us. So my sis and I settled on an HTC One Mini, searched for covers, stared at the phone so we could get used to the new sight, and even compared it to other phones.

Don't laugh. That's my old phone -.-

That’s my old phone. Guys, it’s not even on the website anymore.

I’ve had the HTC Wildfire for three years. The funny thing about it is that it has only two gigabytes. Yes, TWO. No wonder I always had to delete many beautiful memories and songs just so I could have space for…for something! It was so frustrating. Dad finally came back (woo!), and that meant our new gadgets had finally arrived! 😀

I couldn’t wait to get ahold of my HTC One Mini. I was ready to download every app that I couldn’t download before because of that horrible little form of technology. But guess what? I now behold an iPhone 5c, and my sister? An HTC One X. I’m still a little shocked. Seriously, I don’t know whether to be happy or to give in to the fact that I wouldn’t be able to redownload all of my songs from my old phone. I mean, music is a pretty big part of my life, and having an android makes it wayyy easier to download music. But the iPhone?

Ack, that’s a different story!

And before I continue to ‘sound’ like an ungrateful teenager here, I just want to take this time off to say, thanks, Dad 🙂 See? I’m a good girl.

Anyway, my sister and I are still pretty, you know, stunned. We’re used to having the same phones. But I think my dad’s intentions are good. He wants to mix up the technology in this house…Apple here, Microsoft there, you know. A lil’ bit of this, a lil’ bit of that. It’s all good.

And I can at least say I’m loving it. It’s not really foreign to me (the system, I mean), but I’m glad that I have a bigger screen; it’s sleek, it’s clean, it’s…wow. Hey, I think I love it. It’s fun exploring and finally having my very own password and Apple ID on an Apple product. Okay, now I love it! Thanks, Dad 🙂

Now, all I need now is a protective case…*hint hint*

It still feels weird. But hey, gotta love a good weird, right?

It still feels weird. But hey, gotta love a good weird, right?

And yeah, that’s my Pebble I’m wearing!

Happy living,

Jojo

P.S. I’m not responsible for the really awful looking pictures…

funny how life works.

Life is so unpredictable. Do you see the ‘un’ before ‘predictable’? It shows the lack of predictability, or in this case, fair warnings. I sat here with wet hair dripping on my skin, too much perfume on, and my study desk still in clear depiction of how my life was at that moment.

Messy. sooooAs an introvert and a professional social ‘awkwardie’, today’s news just battered me in the most unimaginable way possible.

They were coming. 

I still can’t believe I reacted that way. It felt kind of weird to freak out that way to the point I nearly went mad. That’s why I sat down here, needing to let it out my writing in my journal. I was afraid of just venting it out verbally, as I felt that the current situation and my reaction to it would lose its ‘juice’ if I didn’t record it somewhere. It’s a writer’s thing.

urefe

Besides that, my problem involved two girls (we’ll call them Girl A and Girl B), and they, along with my sister and I, were quite good friends when we were kids. Something happened, and they had to move away while their father stayed back here to work. And time froze between us until three years ago.

And then it froze up again.

But they came back for a short vacation here and we expected them to come visit in February. They didn’t…so I relaxed. Bad move. At exactly 1:04 p.m. today, my mom got off the phone, sat down, and said that Girl A and Girl B were coming.

Emphasis for panic?

Could this day get any worse?

Why was this happening to me?!

I went crazy! I washed the hair that I was too lazy to wash, jumped out of my comfy jeans, and took out all my frustration on my toothbrush. I felt weird, so out of place already, even if they hadn’t arrived yet.

iiii

Scenarios of them looking at me disgustingly or in any judgmental way poked the insides of my brain and tied knots in my stomach. I felt sick. I really don’t like how life jumps at you and screams “Boo!” and gets you all worked up and scared of what is to come. Although this feeling towards such situations wasn’t foreign to me, it’s happened lots of times; and the result?

Everything happens the exact opposite.

Even better.

It’s just weird, you know. But, my fears never came true. We actually had a really good time! Kind of awkward at the beginning, but the oldest (Girl A) is like a professional icebreaker that we were catching up in less than five minutes upon their arrival. Her French accent and isolation from English for a while may have hindered some parts of our conversation, but she’s extremely funny and dramatic. We related a lot and really…we had a blast.

jbj

I feel stupid for being worked up about their visit though. But that leads me to tell you that being worried only makes your life harder for yourself and others. We all know that. Yeah, we have TONS of reasons to be worried, and we might even give in to some of them, but if you just sit there feeling sorry for yourself and thinking of what you could be doing instead of doing it, you’re wasting your time! It’s hard, but with God’s help, we can do anything 🙂

hakuna matata

Every minute counts, guys! You’ll never get those minutes you spent reading my post back (*cough* haha), or worse, worrying over nothing! But worry or not, life will still move on. You can choose to hop on, or stay back. Your choice 🙂

Happy living!

Jojo

P.S. I feel this post is a little…I don’t know, disconnected or something. Please don’t hesitate to tell me what you think! 😀

Disclaimer: I do not own those images. 😀

i did that.

So yesterday was an amazing day. Our church had its first annual ‘Love Offering’, it’s first concert, and well, everything there was practically a first. Including what I did.

I went in with my glasses. I really can’t stress how much I hate them. I hate them. They look awful on me, they have those wiggly nose support thingies that don’t even fit the nowhere bridge of my nose, and, well, they’re just ugly. I would’ve gotten a new one along with my brother and sister, but since I didn’t wear these glasses last year, (and it would be a waste if I didn’t), my mom guaranteed that I’d get new ones if I used these ones.

It’s obviously not going too well.

hhh

 

But I went way out of my comfort zone. That’s something!

 

Keep wobbling,

Jojo

 

Disclaimer: I do not own that photo. No copyright infringement intended.

new blog thingy.

I know, I know, I’m inconsistent. And late in posting. But I wanted something suitable and comfortable…and I couldn’t think of anything to post until last night.

I…apologize?

Anyway, since it’s way past my bedtime, I will make this short and sweet. Lately I’ve realized how distracted and disorganized I’ve become. I’m usually not like this, but it’s now affecting my desk (you wouldn’t think that’s a really big thing, but a cluttered desk makes difficult work all the more frustrating), my scholastic motivation, and my relationship with God.

myy

I’m naturally organized, really. But I realized how messy my life’s been today that I nearly cried 😯 I’ve reached points like that before, but usually when I didn’t ace my tests and so on. What? I’m a perfectionist. One that still isn’t able to conform to the fact that nothing will ever be perfect, no matter how hard I work on it (referring to my grades here). Perfection is only in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has a different view on what perfection is. And the way I see it, no one else really does.

I guess mine is based primarily on fear. Fear that I won’t get to college, live a life that has been buried due to the fact I’m being homeschooled (it’s not bad, really), and fear that I will never fulfill my purpose here on earth. I don’t even know what it is. But there are so many things I want to do; so many dreams to come true.

And what’s worse is that I can’t think for the life of me what I want to be. Everyday I find something interesting, the next I realize the amount of crazy work, and then I realize I really have no passion for it. I want to do something that won’t make me feel like dreading work. I see many people do it, and it discourages me a lot. I don’t want that.

And as for being a perfectionist, it’s hard to sometimes accept the limit of my efforts. It’s creating a burden that I want to carry all on my own, and it’s weakening me. I need to just lay it down, and let God take care of it. All of it.

trust

I’ll trust Him.

In the wobbles,

Jojo

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these photos. All belong to their respective owners.